User Profile

I am a 35 yr old female who has traveled around down south and up north. I'm single, and praying that Jesus will send the man or men He made for me. I want to be found because I'm lost without him. I'm lost without my daughter too. I believe she is still alive. I'm a struggling writer. I'm struggling with the reality that my big dream of getting published may just be a hobby. I've been writing off and on for years. I've studied at different colleges throughout my life. I've been diagnosed by doctor's as schizoeffective which is an mental illness with highs and lows being the bipolar part of my illness. The highs are when I'm active at home. How am I active at home? I will tell you in my journal. I am active helping out my family. The lows are depression. I hear voices and unusual sounds sometimes. My illness scares me, but I'm learning about it and how to live with it. I do take medication for it. The medication helps me focus and remain clear headed. It helps me to learn, and to write better. I'm loyal to my friends and love my family even when I do fail and make mistakes. I pray my true loyalities are with Jesus and God first before family and friends. I live at home taking care of my Grandmother and Mom. My Grandmother recently died on my birthday one evening in the early morning hours. It was sad for me. I loved my Grandmother and Grandpa when they were around, but they are with me in my heart always. I take care of my parents the best I can even if it cannot be financially. Another dream of mine. I help my step-Dad. He helps the family because he loves us. I communicate with my real father since we have made amends. I love his new family too. We all have Jesus in our lives. We try to learn about the Lord everyday even during our worst moments and best moments. We still love and forgive each other. I pray my sister will forgive my Mom and step-Dad then love them again too. I pray she will realize that she needs them, and I hope the need isn't financial, but for love. I love my friends. I try to love my enemies too. I don't know if I have any enemies that I'm aware of except that I'm scared of myself because of my mental illness. I have a book about schizophrenia, but it is hard for me to read because it terrifies me just hearing the stories of part of my illness. I need to face my fears and know that God is joy in my life for better and worse. My memory is limited, but I need to write things down to remember my life, my family and friends. I fight with my family, but I still love them. I try to remember all that I've learned to apply it in my life. I have many dreams. 1) To fall in love and stay married because him and I will love each other til death us do part 2) To be a good Mom someday and enjoy being pregnant, of course staying on meds and following rules so I can keep the child 3) Being able to adopt a child and raise it with love
4) To take care of my family financially and giving them a stable home to live their dreams 5)To get paid as a published writer of short stories/screenplays/plays/novels
6) The important dream that I don't understand why I put it last, but to meet Jesus Christ. I do believe in Him. I know we all fall short of His grace, but I'm thankful for every grace period of my life to love and live. I want to love my savior and creator, most importantly. I want to be loved and forgiven by savior and creator, Jesus and God. I don't want to hide nor be afraid to show my love through my actions. I don't want to be afraid to forgive, but for the right reasons, and out of love before it maybe too late. I want to be loved by family and friends and by my enemies if I have any I don't know about except the fear of myself. I'm my own worst enemy that much I do know. I fear meeting my creator and savior because I've done a lot things I'm not proud of in my life. I pray I've learned my lessons along the way and that I do remember.

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